


4, 7, 8

by secrets_and_starlight



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Homophobia, M/M, Mild Blood, Panic Attacks, Swearing, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, self harm mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:20:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21905098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secrets_and_starlight/pseuds/secrets_and_starlight
Summary: Alright, Virgil and Logan have been pining for forever and Roman’s about to lose his sanity and Patton feels really bad for Logan. Dante’s the only one of the other four with two brain cells to rub together and they’re used to it by now tbh. Long story short they’re getting Virgil and Logan together, but maybe they won’t need to try that much. Thank you to @ashton-draws-things for beta reading this!
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 1
Kudos: 65
Collections: Sanders Sides Secret Santa 2019





	4, 7, 8

“It’s official!” Roman said, dropping into his seat and nearly dropping his lunch tray on the floor. “I can’t take it anymore!”

Patton peered at his boyfriend from across the table. “Why, what’s wrong?”

“It’s Virgil!” Roman exclaimed. “He keeps whining about how he’s in love with Logan, and how Logan could never love him, etc., etc.” He sighed. “It’s just… he’s seems so resigned about this, and I always gave him a hard time about everything he did, so I kind of just… don’t want him to keep pining forever? I don’t know, it feels wrong to just… see him suffer in silence, you know?”

“Aaawwww, Ro’s being sentimental!” Remus cheered, falling into the seat next to Roman and ruffling his hair. “Although I must say, our little emo is getting a tinge too dramatic.”

Roman glared at his brother. “All I‘m saying is that I feel bad for him; wouldn’t you? He’s been in love with Logan almost from the moment they met, and that was years ago.” 

“What if we locked them in a closet together?”

“Remus, I’m about 78% sure that’s illegal, but you do you, boo. Have any other ideas-”

Remus raised his hand.

“-that aren’t creepy or potentially illegal?”

Remus dropped his hand. “You’re no fun. How about we-”

“What’s the tea, losers?” Virgil asked, sitting down next to Patton. 

“Nothing!” Roman yelped, falling out of his seat. “Nothing in the slightest! No reason for you to be concerned!”

“Roman wanted to lock-”

“REMUS SHUT THE UP IMMEDIATELY OR I SWEAR-”

Dante rolled their eyes and yanked Roman up from the floor. “Roman, I’m going to murder you, stop screaming and get up from the floor. About half of the cafeteria is staring at us.”

Virgil narrowed his eyes at Roman, who was now sitting in his seat and making a point to look everywhere but at Virgil. “Roman, what the everloving fuck are you on?” 

Patton laughed nervously. “He’s fine, kiddo! I think he’s just a nervous for the… auditions! For Grease! Yeah, the auditions are coming up?”

Virgil sighed. “Patton, auditions were 2 months ago, and the musical this year is Hairspray.” He looked over at Dante, who now looked as though they truly desired the sweet release of death. “Hey Dee, what the fuck is going on?”

Dante looked Roman in the eye as they said, “Roman wants to lock you and Logan in a closet together.”

“THAT WAS REMUS WHO SAID THAT, YOU ABSOLUTELY USELESS REFRIGERATOR.” Roman yelled, nearly falling off his chair for the second time. “WAIT NO NOTHING HAPPENED. NO ONE SAID ANYTHING EVER.”

Virgil stood up abruptly. “You know, I forgot something in my locker, I better go.” He rushed off.

Dante watched Virgil until he disappeared, ducking between the groups of people that covered the cafeteria, then turned and looked at the rest of the group with a conspiratorial gleam in their eye. “We have to get them together.”

\---------

dante: Alright, so let’s discuss.  
drama nerd: what is this?  
dante: It’s a group chat.  
dante: Remus and Patton are also here.  
drama nerd: ooh, so this is about virgil and logan!  
drama nerd: lovely  
sugar & spice: ooh, this is about vee & lo!  
dante: How the fuck were your responses nearly identical?  
drama nerd: ;)  
bastard rat man: whomst’d’ve the fuck did this i was busy  
drama nerd: never show that to logan or he will hit you in the head w/ a grammar book  
drama nerd: and dont lie i can see you and all ur doing is hanging from a clothing rack how tf are u not dead from all the blood rushing to ur head  
bastard rat man: :)  
dante: Ok, focus guys.  
dante: How do we get the two of them together?  
bastard rat man: i told you  
bastard rat man: lock. them. in. the. c l o s e t  
dante: Again, that’s creepy.  
sugar and spice: study thing maybe? L comes over to study for something and…? Idk?  
dante: That’s pretty good, Patton.  
bastard rat man: hold on i’ve fuckign got it  
dante: As long as it’s not closet-related, go ahead.  
bastard rat man: ur no fun  
bastard rat man: but look we invite Lo and Vee to go with us somewhere idk where  
bastard rat man: and we lose them somewhere  
dante:  
dante: You know, that’s actually a pretty good idea.  
dante: What would that work with?  
sugar and spice: maybe a movie of some sort?  
sugar and spice: LOVE SIMON!  
drama nerd: :D yes!!!  
drama nerd: this is why i love you  
sugar and spice: :3  
dante: Keep the PDA out of the group chat, folks.  
dante: And Love, Simon sounds great, Patton.  
dante: Roman, I’m nominating you to tell Virgil. Patton, you tell Logan.  
drama nerd: why me?! Remus could tell him  
dante: Roman, I want you to look me in the eye and tell my why that would be a good idea.  
drama nerd: uuugh fiiine  
dante: ok when are we all free?  
drama nerd: weekends are fine  
sugar and spice: yeah, my weekends are free  
bastard rat man: i have literally nothing happening ever  
dante: Ok good, I’ll text back once I figure everything out.  
sugar and spice: ok, great!  
*sugar and spice has left the chat*  
*bastard rat man has left the chat*  
*drama nerd has left the chat*  
dante: Well, this will either go well or spectacularly wrong.  
*dante has left the chat*

\---------

“Hey, Virgil!”

Virgil looked up from his locker and saw Roman walking towards him. “Yeah?”

“Dee got tickets for Love, Simon on Saturday, wanna come?”

Virgil turned back to his locker. “When? And who’s coming?”

Roman shifted. “On Saturday. And it’s going to be me, Pat, Remus… and Logan.”

Virgil’s stomach flipped. Fuck. Oh my god what do I do WHAT DO I DO.

Virgil must have been silent for too long, because Roman laughed tensely. “Virgil, are you okay? You don’t have to go if you don’t want to or if that would be too overwhelming. I just thought this would be cool to do as a group.”

“No, it’s-it’s fine.” Virgil said, quickly closing his locker and picking up his backpack. “I’ll talk to you later?” 

He could faintly hear Roman calling after him, but he felt like his thoughts were being shouted back at him through a microphone.

He’s going to be there. Is that why Roman invited me? I heard him pause before he said Lo’s name, is it because of how much I vented to him and now he’s trying to set us up? Oh, why would I do that?! There’s going to be so so many people, what if I start having a panic attack and Logan’s there? What if he feels uncomfortable that Roman’s trying to set us up and he just starts hating me?! It’s Love, Simon for fuck’s sake, how would that seem to him? I mean, Ro and Pat are gonna be there too, so it may not seem weird? This might be the biggest mistake I’ll make so far.

I can’t wait.

\---------  
Logan stepped out of the car onto the sidewalk and looked up. The bulletin bard hanging on the side of the building read “Love, Simon: Playing at 12:00, 4:30, 8:00”. A small pride flag hung below those words, and there were several notes pinned next to it. 

“When’s everyone else getting here?” He asked Dante, who was leaning against the wall and texting someone.

Dante replied without looking up from their phone. “Roman said about 5 minutes, but he said that 20 minutes ago, and you know how long it usually takes him to get ready for things. Remember his first date with Patton?”

Logan did remember. It had been about 7 months ago, and Roman had called him over in a panic about how he didn’t have anything to wear. 5 minutes later when Logan had arrived, Roman was busy ransacking his closet while Dante, Remus, and Virgil sat around him in various degrees of amusement and annoyance. Dante had been sitting on top of Roman’s desk, scrolling through their phone and occasionally voicing their opinion on the various outfits that Roman pulled out. Remus had been in the closet, throwing assorted pieces of clothing at Roman, although how Remus was able to get to where he had been Logan had no idea. And Virgil had been sitting on Roman’s dresser, commenting on each piece of clothing that Roman had flung aside in search of The Perfect Outfit™.

Logan most of all remembered the look on Virgil’s face, a sort of mix between amusement and affection, like this whole situation was highly entertaining, but he was Roman’s brother, and making fun of him for something like this would be wrong, so it would be best to stay silent. 

“Lo!”

Logan turned and saw Patton running over to him. Behind him, Roman and Virgil seemed to be arguing over something. Remus was trying to balance on the curb, and judging by the fact that his shoes were soaked, he wasn’t doing very well.

“Hello Patton.” said Logan, looking over at Roman. “Roman, Virgil, is anything wrong?”

“Nope!” said Roman a little too loudly. “It’s all fine! There’s nothing wrong!”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Sorry about Ro,” he said to Logan. “He’s been overly excited about this for days, I don’t understand why.”

Logan nodded. “That’s perfectly understandable. Roman does tend to overreact about everything.”

Roman grunted. “I wasn’t overreacting.”

“You kicked my door open at 4 am yelling about this movie.”

“Exactly! That’s perfectly normal!”

Dante sighed and put their phone away. “Come on guys, the movie’s starting in 15 minutes. Where’s Remus?” 

“Come on, losers.” Remus said from next to the bulletin board. “Let’s get this started!”

Logan looked at Virgil. “Get what started? Is he talking about the movie or…?

Virgil shrugged. “I don’t know, but it scares me. Let’s do this.”

\---------

Once they entered the building, Roman pulled Dante aside.

“Do you have a plan?” he asked Dante, ignoring the questioning look that Patton was giving him.

“Do I have a - what do you mean, do I have an idea?” Dante snapped. “Wasn’t this whole thing your idea?”

“Well, no, it was Remus’s idea, but you’re the one who started everything!”

“I’m the one who started everything because I’m the only one out of the four of us who has two braincells to rub together.”

“Alright, hold the f-”

“Ro, Dee!” Patton called from near the doors. “The movie’s starting soon! Dante, do you have the tickets?”

Dante nodded, pulling them out of their pocket. “Look, I’ll try to sit them next to each other,” they whispered to Roman. “But I don’t have much more than that. Talk to Patton and Remus about this, maybe they’ll have some ideas.”

Roman sighed. “Ok, fine. Can I be next to Patton?”

“Take a guess.”

Dante began handing out the tickets as Roman pulled Patton and Remus aside.

“We don’t have a plan,” confessed Roman, looking at the other two hoperfull. “Any ideas on how to better get them together?”

Patton wrinkled his nose. “To be honest, not really. I think we should try to leave for a while at some point during the movie so that they’re alone? It’ll definitely look suspicious if we all leave at the same time, though.”

“Well, whatever we do, it should be during that one Ferris wheel scene,” Remus said. “But I don’t see how.”

“Are you guys done plotting?” Virgil said, walking up to them. Logan and Dante were still standing by the doors, talking intently.

“Yep!” Roman said frantically. “I mean, no! What plotting?”

Virgil snorted. “Whatever y’all are doing, you’d better finish in the theater. The movie’s starting in like three minutes.”

Patton nodded. “We’ll meet you guys in the theater, we’re still trying to work out the seating.”

“Well then, see you later.

\---------

Virgil really should have looked at his ticket earlier, because now, there was no way that he wasn’t going to panic. He took out his phone to silence it and noticed just how much his hands were shaking.

“Virgil, are you feeling okay?” Logan asked from next to him, concern creasing his features.

Virgil nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine, there’s just a lot of people here right now. Don’t worry about me.”

“Well, that would quite hard to do.”

And with that, Logan turned back to the previews, leaving Virgil to decipher what the fuck Logan meant by that.

Is it that hard to not worry about me? In which way is he saying that? Is he saying that in a friend way? It’s not gay to care about the welfare of your friend. Did he mean it like a friend? It sounds like something Patton would say, so it’s probably a friend thing.

Right?

\---------

It was in the middle of the movie that Virgil noticed that something was wrong. Throughout the movie, he and Logan had been providing commentary on anything that they deemed needed criticism. But recently, Logan had stayed quiet, and Virgil could her how much he was struggling to breathe.

“Logan?” Virgil whispered, looking over at Logan. The man’s hands were gripping the armrests, and Virgil could see tears forming in his eyes. “Logan, are you okay?”

“I need to go.” Logan said abruptly, shooting out of his seat and running to the doors that led to the lobby. 

Virgil stayed in his seat for a few seconds his mind racing. I need to talk to him. He’s clearly not okay. Is it something I said? Or maybe-

Then it clicked. This scene. On the screen, Simon looked at his computer, scrolling through his school’s Tumblr, reading the emails that he had been sending Blue. I’m such an idiot.

Last winter, junior year. It had been one of those days, with an overcast sky and pouring rain. Virgil had gotten a call from Logan that night.

“Hello...Virgil?” Logan had said. “I’m… really sorry if I-if I’m bothering you, but can you please come over? It’s-it’s important.” Logan’s voice had been hard to hear over the sound of pounding rain, and it sounded like he’d been crying. So Virgil had gone.

He saw Logan, crouched on his front steps, clutching a dark blue duffel bag like it was a lifeline. Virgil remembered almost sprinting over to him, nearly slipping on the slick grass.

“In for 4, hold for 7 out for 8.” He’d repeated that line over and over again as Logan, with tears flowing down his face, told him everything, told him how his ex had outed him, told him how his parents had found out, how they were the reason that he was sitting in front of his house with nothing but a duffel bag.

Virgil couldn’t remember a time when he’d been more angry than he was then. All he wanted to do was march back into Logan’s house and scream at his parents for hours, how Logan was a better person than they would ever be, than they could ever dream of being. But he couldn’t do that, not when Logan was at such a bad place. He knew that his parents would never be able to support another person, no matter who it was. So they went to Dante, who was able to let Logan live with him.

This movie reflects Logan’s memories so much, this must be terrible for him, why on earth would we go for this movie?!

Virgil stood up and ran to the doors that Logan had gone through, praying that he was okay.

\---------

Logan sat on the floor of the movie theater, gasping for breath.

In for 4, hold for 7, out for 8. In for 4, hold for 7, out for-

Those critical scenes flashed across his mind, mingling with his own memories.

His father standing in front of him, screaming at the top of his lungs.

Simon sitting alone at the cafeteria as Aaron and Spencer yelled slurs at him.

His own mother, horror in her eyes and tears streaming down her face.

Simon reading his emails between himself and Blue on the school’s Tumblr, knowing just how much coming out mattered to him and how that right was yanked out of his hands.

Sitting hunched over on the steps for his house with nothing but a duffle bag full of his things, sobbing so hard he thought he’d throw up.

Simon sitting in the car with Abby, coming out for the first time in his life and expecting the worst.

Picking up his phone and calling the one person whom he knew would be able to help him, and hoping, praying, he would pick up.

Simon, sitting in front of his mother after coming out, waiting for a reaction and praying for a good one.

Standing in front of Dante’s house with Virgil beside him, hand poised and ready to knock.

Logan and Simon, both coming out and, despite hearing drastically different reactions, knowing that doing this, saying those words, was like slitting your throat in front of a crowd of people and watching to see who would help him, and who would rather watch him bleed out.

“That’s not true.” “It’s just a phase.” “You’re going against God.” “ You’re a disgrace to this family.” “Get out of my house.” “ You’re no son of mine.” “I don’t want to see your face here again.” 

No, no, no, no, no, just please stop-

The bathroom door creaked open and Logan jumped to his feet.

“Logan?”

Virgil came around the corner and saw Logan, who was crouched on the ground, tears streaming down his face, breath coming out on small frenzied bursts.

Virgil’s face fell, concern and dismay cascading over his features. He ran to Logan and sat down in front of him taking his hands in his own. “Oh no… ok, Logan, I want you to look at me. Can you do that?”

Logan exhaled shakily and slowly, painstakingly looked up at Virgil.

“Ok. Now, name 5 things that you can see.”

“The floor, the ceiling…” Logan faltered. “Your eyes, my hands, the sinks.”

“Ok, great. 4 things you can feel?”

Logan inhaled shakily. “The floor beneath me, your hands on mine, my heart beating, your hands shaking.”

Virgil hesitated, and Logan could see through his tears how his concentration had broken for just a second, and how, confused and worried and scared he looked.

That… Logan wasn’t used to that.

Virgil cleared his throat. “Ok. What are 3 things you can hear?

“People talking from down the hall, the air conditioner, your voice.”

“2 things you can smell?”

“Popcorn from the lobby, that-that rain laundry detergent you always use.”

Virgil snorted, and Logan’s heart somehow found time to melt throughout all of this turmoil. “One thing you can taste?”

“Blood, because I bit my tongue.”

Virgil sighed, and all of the tension in his shoulders seemed to flow out of his body. “Ok. Are you feeling any better?”

Logan nodded.

“Okay, that’s good.” Virgil paused. “It’s perfectly understandable if you don’t want to, but do you want to talk about what happened?”

Logan nodded and immediately felt a lump forming in his throat. “Martin.” he managed to choke out. “And the whole email thing.... And what happened afterwards.”

Virgil inhaled sharply, and Logan could almost hear the thoughts racing through the other man’s head.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Logan blurted. “And don’t you dare start blaming yourself because I didn’t think this would happen, and you definitely didn’t know what would happen, so this isn’t anyone’s faul-”

“How could I not blame myself?!” Virgil said suddenly, letting go of Logan’s hands and shooting up from where he’d been sitting. “How could I not blame myself for everything that happened today?! I knew full well what scenes were in this movie, and I somehow forgot about how much this could affect you, and now we’re here instead of out there, and you’re still recovering from a panic attack, and how could I not blame myself?!”

Logan had been hurt before. He’d been hurt after his ex had outed him to the school. He’d been hurt when his parents had kicked him out of their house. But he couldn’t think of anything more painful than this, sitting silently on the floor while the love of his life blamed himself for all of Logan’s problems, blamed himself for everything that was out of his control, and that was just like him. That… that hurt more than he expected, to be honest.

“... and I could have maybe gotten Dante to change the tickets in for a different movie-”

“Will you please stop!” Logan yelled before he could stop himself. “Please, just stop, none of this is your fault, would you please stop worrying about me!”

“How?!” Virgil shot back. “How could I stop worrying about you when you’re the one person that I could never stop worrying about?!”

“Why me?! Why can’t you just stop worrying about me?! That would make everything so much easier, maybe I could just accept it then!”

Virgil stopped pacing. “Accept what?”

Logan lowered his gaze to the floor. “Accept the fact that… you’re never going to love me the way that I love you.”

Virgil stared at him. “Logan, what the everloving fuck do you mean?”

Logan paused, then spoke, his words flooding out in a waterfall of confessions. “I mean that I love you. Like, not just in a friend way, you know what I-”

“No, I get what you mean like that.” Virgil said in bewilderment. “I mean, what do you mean, I’m never going to love you like that?”

Logan’s heart nearly stopped. “Wait, what?”

Virgil slowly sat in front of Logan, legs crossed, and took Logan’s hands again. “I mean, Lo, that I love you. I’ve loved you since freshman year. Remember that paper we were paired up for in English When you spent about 20 minutes ranting about how Dr. Jekul was a much better example of the ‘mad scientist’ stereotype? That’s probably when I realized.” 

Logan shook his head, trying to shake the excited thoughts that were now crowding his head. “No, I don’t understand, why me?”

Virgil smiled wistfully. “Maybe it’s because of how excited you get when you have a chance to talk about what you love. Maybe it’s how the corner of your mouth quirks up when you’re trying not to laugh. Maybe it’s how logically you’re able to see how everything fits together. Maybe it’s because of how much passion you have, and how it powers everything in your life. Maybe it’s how your eyes seem to absorb everything you see like you can see everything that’s going on, or how you’re constantly open to learning things, or how far you’ll go to defend the things that you stand for. It’s probably all of those things, to be honest. But it’s mostly because… well it’s you. I don’t see how I couldn’t have fallen in love with you.”

Logan stayed silent for what felt like hours as he tried to process everything that had just been said. He could feel his heart pounding harder than it ever had in his life, and the expression on his face must have been priceless, because Virgil started laughing nervously. 

“I mean, it’s perfectly fine if you don’t feel the same way, despite what you said earlier. I probably shouldn’t have spilled my figurative guts out onto the floor, that was really dumb of me to do. And that was really direct, I’m really sorry if I made you uncomfortable at all-”

“I love you so much.”

Virgil smiled, a wide, genuine smile, and Logan felt himself fall a little bit more in love.


End file.
